BCCTWB

Friday, March 8th was MRI day, and for the first time since all of this began I had a lengthy 4ish day wait time until discussing results with my doc. Long story short, and what I’m sure anyone reading this cares about – my results were very good. There was no change evident, no enhancement, and aside from some sort of sinus stuff (which has been a real joy), everything is looking great.

Long story long, my sickening gut feeling, general anxiety and fear for Tuesday’s results visit were unlike anything I’ve felt since the days leading up to my biopsy results. And I’m not exaggerating, despite the absolute insanity I’ve dealt with (biopsy surgery, full on brain surgery, chemo, radiation, MRIs, etc etc), I haven’t really felt this way since August of last year.

My doctor described it as perfectly normal and is the one who gets credit for the word “scanxiety,” which as she put it, is a word they often use to highlight the angst that attacks those waiting on test results. This time it was so bad that I didn’t even peak at the results in my portal (which is SO unlike my type-A-need-to-know neuroticism). My doctor chuckled/sighed about this because she was both surprised and upset that I hadn’t relieved my anxiety sooner. She also reiterated that the gap in time made zero sense and she ensured I’d have no more than an overnight gap going forward.

Thankfully, our discussion made some of my icky feelings go away, or at least fade into the background. And the more rational version of me is grasping that this angst IS in fact normal, and IS okay if I’m feeling that way at times, especially those days leading up to my scan reviews. Yay emotions.

A bit of an apology here because that’s all a bit TMI for some of you. BUT, being open and candid about the fact that I am (shockingly??) human and this shit does impact me in the expected, emotional ways, is a difficult part of what I try really hard to do – stay honest!

Here’s to hoping everyone here has had less “drama” in their lives the last couple weeks. I will say, having some sunshine and warmth certainly helps turn the mopey feelings right around. Oh, and so do Dueling Piano charity events, like the one a whole crew and I are attending tonight 😉

#BCCTWB